he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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