The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
