There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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