what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
