the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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