At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
