party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize