on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
