i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
