I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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