I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
