Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
