And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize