He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
