We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize