Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
