so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
