I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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