great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
