Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
