I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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