I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
