just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
