Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
