Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
