someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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