I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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