god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
