All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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