well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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