Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
