I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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