what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
