I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
