I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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