well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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