Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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