Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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