Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
