the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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