There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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