My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Enjoy the penises
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize