he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
