I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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