We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
