he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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