Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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