final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize