You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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