just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
