She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
