for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
