Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
false alarm. still invincible.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
