That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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