At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
