he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You have to summon your inner elephant
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize