I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
