I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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