The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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