Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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