I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
