i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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