K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk is not a location!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
