Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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