My first STD was from a foam party
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
