Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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