I never want to see another naked old woman again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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