4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
