I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
