they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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